Moments
by lolarayyy
Summary: It's what's left unsaid that matters at the end of the day. Previously known as "Falling" because I got inspired again. I'll probably keep adding to this depending on what lines we get from the recent episodes.
1. One Minute

"_**She used hate wine. She drank beer, I loved that about her. I guess she drinks wine now."**_

"And what wine would you like with that miss? To complement the dark chocolate cake, might I recommend a nice red-"

"You wouldn't happen to have any beer, would you?"

Startled, Shay looked up from her menu, a smirk slowly forming on her face. Their waiter was at a momentary loss for words, not that Shay could blame him. After all, she's pretty sure people didn't typically ask for a beer at a dessert bar.

"Uh, no miss, I'm afraid we don't."

"Okay then, I'll just have the cake."

Still at a loss for words, the waiter turned to Shay, ready to ask the question again when she beat him to the punch.

"I'll just have the apple crisp with the salted caramel sauce, and no wine for me as well, thanks."

After the waiter left the table, Shay turned her gaze towards her date, staring at her contemplatively.

"You're not a wine person I take it?"

"God no, I hate the stuff," Clarice said immediately, a light blush coloring her cheeks once she realized how quickly she responded. Laughing softly, Shay gave the embarrassed woman a gentle smile, her hand reaching out to brush her fingers against Clarice's own.

"I can't say I love wine that much either."

"_**You know what I still have of yours? Those old blues records your mom gave you."**_

Humming along to the old record playing, Shay flipped the last pancake onto the plate with a flourish, and placed the syrup on the small dining table. Reaching over to pop a stray chocolate chip into her mouth as she placed the pan into the sink, she turned to the fridge and bent down, rummaging around for the orange juice.

"You like Billie?"

Startled, Shay turned her attention away from the fridge, a smile appearing on her face as she took in the image of Clarice standing in the doorway of the kitchen, barefoot and dressed simply in jeans and a tank top.

"I love Billie," Shay said as she made her way towards Clarice, leaning forward for a chaste kiss. "My mother would play her records when I was a child and I've loved her ever since." A mischievous grin danced on Shay's lips as she gave Clarice a contemplative look. "You're not going get jealous now, are you?"

Laughing softly, Clarice shook her head as she gave Shay a bashful look.

"If it was anyone else maybe…but I think I'll let Billie slide on this one. It's hard not to love her, I'd like to think."

"A Billie Holiday lover, and you also enjoy eating breakfast for dinner…you're a woman after my heart, that you are." Grinning at Clarice, she motioned towards the tray.

"I just finished, hope you're hungry."

Shay started to walk back towards the tray when Clarice suddenly wrapped her arms around her waist, effectively trapping the blonde in place.

"Dance with me?"

Somewhat startled by the sudden request, Shay looked towards the tray, the steam still rising from the warm food.

"The pancakes are going to get cold-"

"Please, Les?"

Shaking her head with a sigh, Shay took hold of Clarice's hands and pulled her to the living room, turning around and pulling the girl into her arms. The two stayed there for a while, swaying gently to the music that was scratched out by the old vinyl record.

"_For you maybe I'm a fool, but it's fun."_

Clarice smiled, burying her head against the crook of Shay's neck as the blonde sang to her softly, closing her eyes and letting the words wash over her.

"_People say you rule me with one wave of your hand, _

_darling, it's grand, _

_they just don't understand."_

Laughing when Shay suddenly pushed her out into a spin, Clarice stumbled back into her arms, hands gripping tightly at the threadbare shirt that hung loosely on Shay's small form. Pressing a soft kiss to her shoulder, Clarice joined in on the last verse, her voice mixing with Shay's own as they continued to sway gently to the music, food forgotten as the danced.

_"Living for you is easy living,  
it's easy to live when you're in love.  
And I'm so in love…"_

"_**The place she and I used to live, it was peeling paint, dripping faucets, but it was great. You wanted to hang out there all day long you know?"**_

"Do you think we should repaint the room?"

Opening her eyes, Clarice let out a small yawn as she cuddled against Shay's warm body. Looking around the room, she shook her head before leaning up towards Shay, giving the blonde a soft kiss.

"I kind of like it," she said as she settled back in Shay's arms. "It gives the room character, you know?"

"Character?" Shay asked, running her fingers up and down Clarice's arm, goose bumps being left in her wake.

"Yeah, I mean, you see that spot above the dresser, to the left?"

"What about it?"

"Doesn't it look like a penguin?"

Her hand stilling, Shay glanced down at Clarice amusedly before flicking her gaze back up to the spot in question, tilting her head to the side as she squinted on the peeling paint on the wall.

"Personally I think it looks more like a goat, but I can see where you'd get a penguin from."

Looking around the room, Shay lifted up her hand and pointed to a different spot, motioning towards the door.

"See that spot in the middle of the door? What do you think that one looks like?"

Glancing at the door, Clarice answered immediately, grinning broadly as she pressed another kiss against Shay's neck.

"Easy. That's a lion on his way to eat the goat-penguin over by the dresser."

"Really now?" Shay said with a grin. "And what about the spot near the closet door?"

"That's the goat-penguin's boyfriend preparing a rocket launcher to defend his boyfriend, obviously."

"I didn't realize that our goat-penguins were gay goat-penguins."

"Well, the one near the closet isn't actually out yet, mind you." Clarice said earnestly, hugging Shay just a bit tighter. "He's still working on it, but he's thinking that he's going to come out to his family soon, because last week his boyfriend got hurt and it worried him to death, and he couldn't talk about it to anyone because they wouldn't understand because he always described him as a roommate. He's scared, but he wants to try."

"He really cares for his boyfriend then, doesn't he?" Shay asked softly, brushing her lips against Clarice's forehead.

"He does…he really, really does."

**_"I'm sorry but I'm not gonna pretend that I don't remember peeling you off the floor after that woman broke your heart."_**

Dawson was walking up the stairs slowly, a takeout bag dangling in one hand and her phone in the other. She let out a sigh as she once again reached Shay's voicemail.

"Yo Shay, charge your damn phone. I'm heading up right now and if you think you're worming your way out of our girls' night again you got another thing coming."

Hanging up, Dawson walked over to the apartment door, knocking loudly. Frowning at the lack of response, Dawson halfheartedly tried the handle, surprised when she found it unlocked. Pushing the door open, Dawson poked her head in warily, squinting as her eyes vainly tried to adjust to the darkness. Reaching out, she spoke into the dark as she fumbled to turn on the lights.

"You know, you really should think of locking your doors Shay. Someone could walk into the middle of you and Clarice getting all down and dirty, and from my own unfortunate and repeated experience, that is something I don't really need to see aga-"

The light flickered on overhead and Dawson's words died on her lips, eyes widening at the sight of Shay sitting on the floor, back against the couch, an empty bottle of tequila in her hands and shattered glass frame surrounding her on the floor.

"The hell…Shay? What happened?"

The lack of response worried Dawson more than she was willing to admit. She was so used to Shay delivering some biting, sarcastic remark that the lack of anything, even a twitch was discerning.

Looking around, Dawson nodded to herself, pushing the idea of their designated "girls night" out of her mind for now as she looked in the kitchen for the broom and dustpan. Carefully sweeping up all the glass fragments, Dawson picked up the remains of the ruined frame, her lips turning into a slight frown at the image that greeted her.

Clarice. Of course she'd be the reason behind this.

Dawson wasn't entirely surprised; she'd seen firsthand how sweetly, stupidly in love Shay was with the woman, even if she was a little full of herself. With that said, Dawson was also loathed to admit that every now and then when the duo were at a party or at the bar with the rest of the house, she'd see it out of the corner of her eye. Clarice may not have been liked by a majority of the squad, but every now and then the woman would let her guard down. The semi-fake smile that was always seemingly plastered on her face shifted into one of genuine happiness, and that smile was always present when she was with Shay. Whether it was the simple action of intertwining their fingers together or the slight peck Shay would give her on her cheek when she left to get another drink, Clarice was clearly in love with Shay just as much as Shay was with Clarice.

The only difference was that Dawson also saw fear in her eyes. What that fear was, Dawson could never really say, but that fear was always present whenever Shay and Clarice got into a fight.

Finishing up with the last of the glass fragments, Dawson dumped it in the trash bin, going over to the counter to start up a pot of coffee and heat up the take out she'd brought with her.

"She's gone."

Dawson froze at that, her fumbling of the coffee machine forgotten as she processed the words Shay had so brokenly whispered. Turning around, Dawson walked over to Shay and kneeled next to her, her hand hesitantly reaching out to grasp Shay's own.

"Shay?"

"We had a fight last night…it wasn't a big one, not by a long shot, but it was still a fight; a stupid, stupid fight. I left to just get some air, went for a walk around the park and when I came back…"

Turning her eyes to finally look at Dawson, it took everything Dawson had not to flinch. Shay's eyes, Shay's vibrant, glowing eyes that were so often full of mirth and laughter were so, so dull.

"She's gone, Dawson. Her clothes, her record player, her toothbrush…it's all gone." Shaking her head, Shay squeezed her eyes shut, tired from crying and yet unable to stop the flow of tears that were now slowly trickling down her cheeks. "We fought over whose turn it was to do the fucking laundry and I wasn't even gone for an hour before she left and she didn't even say goodbye."

"Oh Shay," Dawson whispered softly, pulling the blonde into her arms, enveloping her shaking form in a tight, warm hug. It broke Dawson's heart to see her like this: Shay had always been this firm, strong pillar of support for her, for everyone really. No matter how bleak it looked, no matter what they were up against, Shay had been there with a calm and steady hand or made light of it with a sarcastic remark. Seeing her like this, so small, so _broken_...

Dawson promised herself that if she could, she would make sure that it never happened again.

"_**I just always thought she was the one."**_

It had been one year, two weeks, three days, and several odd hours since Shay had moved out of their – _not theirs, hers really _– old apartment, and after the initial train wreck that was the break up period, Shay thought she was doing relatively well, all things considered. She had commitment issues according to Dawson, but she had been moving on, in a way.

That said, Shay currently found herself in her room, tears running silently down her face as she hugged a pillow to her chest, because no matter how well she was doing, that didn't negate the fact that Shay had been with Clarice for three years.

Shay had become so used to her smell and the way her hand fit in hers and hearing her laughter that sometimes she'd forget that she didn't have those things anymore. And she'd been moving past that (more like ignoring it) but all of that seemed to crash down around her the moment she laid eyes on Clarice again today.

"Hey Shay, you ready for toni-"

Stopping in the doorway, Severide took in Shay's appearance before walking over, sitting down on the bed. Placing a hand on her shoulder, Severide waited until Shay shifted over, her head in his lap as he continued to rub her back soothingly.

"I just…I miss her, you know?"

"Yeah," Severide said quietly, brushing her hair back from her face. "I know."


	2. Two Families

_"**I can't do it…I don't love him. I mean I can't have a child growing up like that."**_

As Clarice slept on Shay's bed, exhausted and cried out, Shay found herself staring at the smaller woman silently, a million thoughts seemingly voicing their opinion all at once in her mind. Running a hand over her eyes, Shay let her head fall against the doorframe she was leaning on, a pained sigh escaping her lips as she silently cursed the woman in front of her.

Clarice always knew just what to say to get Shay to give in.

If Clarice had only told her that she didn't love him, Shay probably would have scrounged up the willpower to turn her away; she would have told Clarice that she should have thought of that before she married him and then Shay would have slammed the door in her face in a concentrated effort to take Dawson's advice and just forget about Clarice.

But instead Clarice spoke of her unborn child growing up knowing that their parents were in a loveless marriage, and Shay knew, she just _knew_ that Clarice would do anything in her power to avoid that happening. Shay remembered the stories that Clarice had told her, stories of her parents' illicit affairs and messy divorce and their subsequent use of her as a weapon in their fight against each other. To Clarice a lack of love invited nothing but loathing which so easily turned into hate, and Shay knew that the woman would do anything to spare her child the pain she went through.

If anything involved her standing outside of Shay's doorstep admitting something she had been trying to deny for all this time, so be it.

Shaking her head, Shay pushed herself off the doorframe, walking back into the hallway and treading softly down the stairs. She needed to think and just being in the same room as Clarice was suffocating.

Luckily she had the apartment to herself at the moment: Severide had wisely chosen to stay away for now, wary of inciting Shay's anger at home as well. Walking towards the kitchen, Shay turned on the coffee machine, and reached out for the Bailey's before she paused, and with a reluctant consideration withdrew her hand. If anything was going to happen today, good or bad, Shay was going to be sober for it.

Even if she really, _really_ wishes otherwise.

Pouring herself a cup, she took it over to the living room where some articles were still spread out from earlier in the day. Sitting down and grabbing a few, Shay tried her best to get lost among the medical jargon that usually intrigued her, and found it next to impossible. The only thing that was on her mind was Clarice.

Abandoning her articles and coffee in disgust, Shay walked back to her room and opened the door quietly, wary of waking the still slumbering woman. Sitting on the bed, Shay let her fingers trail over Clarice's cheek, reaching up to brush a strand of hair away from her face. Jerking her hand back suddenly, Shay squeezed her eyes shut, shaking her head slightly as she muttered quietly to herself.

"What the fuck am I doing..."

Moving to get up, Shay was surprised when the hand that she had moved away was suddenly grabbed tightly by Clarice's own. Opening her eyes, she was greeted to the sight of Clarice's dark brown eyes staring back at her, her voice small as she tugged on Shay's hand.

"Stay with me? Please Les?"

Looking down at Clarice, seeing the smaller woman appear so frail and so damn _small_, Shay knew that she had lost this battle the moment Clarice showed up on her doorstep. Climbing into bed next to her, Shay froze when Clarice shifted, an arm wrapping itself tightly around her waist as Clarice buried her head against Shay's neck, letting out a soft sigh. The lips that so innocently brushed against the skin caused Shay to squeeze her eyes shut, the action so painfully familiar despite all the time that had passed by. Hesitantly bringing up her own arms to wrap carefully around Clarice's form, Shay willed herself to relax as she let the scent of jasmine (she still used the same perfume after all these years) wash over her.

Shit was going to happen eventually. For now, she would let herself indulge in a little familiarity, even if she knew it would probably hurt her in the end.


End file.
